The Place Beyond

Happiness and Balance

We all seek different things in life and use different tools to try to acquire those things. Whether professionally, materially, physically, or emotionally, we all have different goals. Yet, even throughout our differences, there is one that comes up quite frequently, and that is happiness. Happiness is presented to us as an unwavering state of ecstatic delight over all aspects of our lives, a high that never ends. We must always stay radiant and smiling, thinking positive thoughts and have the most wonderful of experiences regardless of the situation. If ever a low is hit, it must be remedied as quickly as possible, through consumption of some thing or another. It is necessary for us to remain in the exuberantly joyful state, for how else could we be happy? We couldn’t, we would only be pretending to be, and quite badly at that. So we better get whatever will make us happy for a moment again, and indulge while it lasts. Though we wouldn’t have to worry, for once this high subsides again, it is a simple matter of moving on to the next object that will give us a boost, to maintain that state for as long as we can. That is happiness.

                Or not.

There are many words to describe that state; ecstasy, euphoria, elation. Yet it also carries with it the qualities of fearful and escapist. It is so because it portrays a fear of feeling “bad”, or unpleasant sensations, seeking to always feel “good” or pleasurable stimulations, and thus escaping the reality that is. It is wholly unbalanced, for it’s denial of a vital aspect of the truth at hand, always seeking to attain a state which we believe should be the case; and this is up to each and everyone one of us to engage with or not, for that is our freedom of choice. So try, live it, attempt, observe, and feel. Did it bring you what you desired? Did it last? How do you truly feel?

If the answer to any of the questions above brings about a negative response, then perhaps another solution is required to attain what we so desire through our quest for happiness. This is when balance comes into play.

This is another concept that is portrayed as a permanent state, a goal we should seek until we have reached it, and look up to the people who have it all together, who have this perfectly balanced life. Job, family, relations, friends, school, sport, pleasure, self-care; those are just a few of the elements that make up our lives, and which we must find a way to balance, to put together in a neat fashion so that we get the most out of all of them. Preferably in a clean calendar, so that we can be proud of how balanced and well put-together we are. Though, it is also important to not be too strict, and incorporate an element of flexibility and spontaneity to be properly balanced, so that must be included in the calendar as well, without it being too restricted. Once we manage all that, congratulations, we are balanced. Or are we?

This state of balance shares one major resemblance with our quest for happiness, and that is that they are both based on clearly defined ideas of what is good and what is bad, of what is wrong and what is right, of what we should do, and what we should not. It is obvious to us that we must always seek the good and avoid the bad, since bad unbalances and makes us unhappy. That’s the way it is. Or so we like to believe. The truth is otherwise though.

One Step Back

In order to have a better view at what balance is composed off, we must first take a step back from those concepts of good and bad, looking at them on a spectrum, with a small line as our current state. Some things feel good, and bring our little bar closer to the “happy” end of the spectrum, while other things feel bad and bring us closer to the “sad” end of the spectrum. It is important to acknowledge that the spectrum reaches far beyond sad and happy, but for simplicity’s sake, those will be used for example.

Someone gives us a gift, we feel happy, our state moves more towards “happy”. We break something valuable to us, our state moves towards “sad”. Those are truths, in the sense that we cannot deny that we feel different things. A gentle caress feels pleasant, a broken bone feels painful. Thus, it might be natural for us to seek what feels pleasant, and avoid what feels painful; and we would be right in doing so, our survival might depend on it.

At the same time, we cannot simply avoid everything that feels “bad”, for things always happen. There are an infinite number of causes which could lead our state to fluctuate towards one side or the other, many of which we have no control over. Hence, many would say it is foolish to attach a goal of such high importance as happiness to a bar in constant movement. I agree with them; and now is the time for the cheesy line we have all heard before: “we wouldn’t appreciate the sun if it wasn’t for the rain”.

In a way, that line is true. Opposites make us appreciate on another, for they bring each other into existence. It is also true that both can be enjoyable, just as they could not. This is where I suggest taking a step back and looking at the whole spectrum. We are conscious that we cannot always feel happy, and that we can sometimes be sad. It is also true that even if we feel pain frequently, there are always times when we don’t.

That’s the beauty of it.

We are able to experience both sides and the plethora of sensations they bring, regardless of whether we judge them as pleasant or not. Because our judgement doesn’t really matter. They are there anyways, due to our lack of control over them. Hence, judging them one way or another only makes them heavier, adding unnecessary weight to energy that just wants to move. Emotions. E-Motions. Energy in motion. If we hold on to them by putting pressure on yourself for feeling them, the movement stops, and that energy stagnates within us. So we keep feeling that way, plus our pressure; an example of this is when we feel jealous, and then convince ourselves we shouldn’t feel that way, so we feel bad for being jealous, making us feel frustrated, while at the bottom of it all, there was a feeling that was simply not expressed properly. Thus, by simply acknowledging our jealousy, asking ourselves what could have caused it, and accepting it as being legitimate, we allow it to move on, and ourselves in the process. Everything is impermanent. Equanimity is the key.

Unifying the Separate

This is not to say that we should not the thrilled about living something that makes us feel joyful, or that we shouldn’t feel angry for a certain reason, but simply accepting that that’s how we feel at the moment, and letting ourselves feel it. This place of self-observation is where the can see the full spectrum of our personal experience. The real beauty of it lies in the fact that even though our emotions are always fluctuating, that the world outside is always transforming, and that we ourselves are constantly changing, there is a place of calm. In all the chaos, there is a place of serenity, of peace.

Observation is the way to bring opposites together. Not a disconnected passive observation, through filters and insecurities, but an authentic open presence, to ourselves. This presence is what allows us to simply be. With anything that is there with us. Pain can be pleasant in more ways than one, pleasure can carry this painful quality with it, and one of the most beautiful experiences we can live is a heartbreak, because it shows us the value and depth of what we lived. Yes, it is painful, but it wouldn’t be as beautiful if it weren’t. Sensitivity is a wonderful ability, for it allows us to feel everything, and sensory input is our mainframe when interacting with ourselves, our bodies, and the world around us.

Simple observation brings peace with it, so we are always aware of where our bar is situated on the spectrum of feeling good and feeling bad, and so we can act in consequence of the states we desire to live in that moment. Active observation allows us to choose our actions with more clarity, to get what we truly desire. Balance in our lives is not something external, but an inner state of constant awareness and acceptance, standing strongly on our feet so we can let all the feelings and emotions flow trough us. Standing solid so we don’t fall over. And if we do, enjoy the pain from it, dive into it, and use it as a catalyst to stand back up again, wiser than before. Standing strong doesn’t mean being stiff, but entering the dance grounded and aware, allowing us to follow our flow and the motions that arise. It is from this place of solidity that we can fully choose our next movement, the direction we want to dance in, and the way we move our bodies there. We are in control of ourselves throughout the movement all around us.

Once we dance, not afraid of where the music will bring us, that’s when we can be deeply happy. In the place beyond judgement, where things just are, we can appreciate both pain and pleasure, happiness and sadness, movement, and stillness. The funny part is that, even if that place doesn’t exist per se it is always within us, so we always have access to it, even if we can’t physically enter it. It is the source of our conscious experience after all, the source of our being here.

In the end, the best way to remain happy and balanced is to simply not doing anything but release our own judgements and giving ourselves the permission to simply be as we are. Only then can we reach the source of happiness, letting it flow freely through us. I do truly believe that happiness is our base state, not the joyful ecstasy, but the peaceful serenity with what is. This being so, the secret to reaching that place is simply not blocking ourselves from it, but allowing ourselves to be present to what is. This state will never disappear, is always accessible, we must simply choose to pay attention to it. The rest is the dance to keep it interesting.

So flow free, and let yourself be, we will see each other in the place beyond.


Being Body

The body is an exquisite way to encounter the world around us. It takes us away from the pure field of energy which permeates the universe and allows us to receive different stimuli independently. This leads us to the senses, most being able to distinguish between what we see, what we hear, what we feel, and what we smell. The truth is, we cannot phantom existence without the senses we currently possess to translate all the informational input we gather from everything around us, and what’s more, we even use those senses to understand what is happening within us. More specifically, we feel what is happening within our bodies to various degrees, and by this I do not only refer to bodily reactions like our heart beat or cramps, but also our feelings, which are aptly named as such since they do have a tangible physical impact beyond their mental and psychological effects.

Before proceeding any further, I invite you to take a moment to close your eyes, briefly observe your breath, and do a complete body scan, being open to feeling what sensations happen where. Without judgement as to how you should feel, accepting both pleasant and unpleasant sensations, however they may arise. Once you’re done, deeply breath in and slowly breath out. You can repeat this exercise at will, wherever and whenever you so desire.

Observing the sensations that are constantly stimulating our bodies to various degrees allow us to be present to the changes which happen within us, whatever they may be. Having to urinate or being hungry are some of the most forceful sensations our bodies feel regularly, for they serve as warnings signs signaling us that there is some physical maintenance which is required to keep our biological envelop running comfortably. Beyond those, there is a plethora of more subtle sensations which cover a vast immensity of possibilities, from emotions, to energetic circulation, leading to tantrism and depth of conscious awareness. Those sensations can be vibratory feelings, pain, heat, tension, release, shortness of breath, heavy/light presence, and more. The more subtle our perception, the more when can expand that range to which we have access. The most flagrant example of this is food, specifically the refinement of taste that we can acquire, as in the case with wine. At first it might be unpleasant, then an appreciation is developed as we come to appreciate the intensity of taste it brings. Slowly, the tastes become more distinct, we become aware of the different tones present within this same initial intensity. Throughout that, some tastes and sensations we will prefer, some we will dislike, and that is our power of choice about the sensations we desire and those we feel averse to. I would rather buy a bottle of wine I really enjoy than one I didn’t really like.

To introduce one possibility of what an increase subtle awareness can bring us, I will share a piece of wisdom the Buddha taught through his Vipassana meditation. Everything that happens within our unconscious is perceptible by the body. Given that we are constantly taking in stimuli, or information, through our sensors, i.e. our senses, we have access to everything that happens in and around us. Everything that happens within us has a physical impact, and everything that happens around us has a physical impact on us as well. All our patterns are imprinted paths within our neural networks and muscles, all our emotions can be felt at certain physical spots, and all energetic transmissions can be receives through our own energetic field. To support that last point, in Matter to Mind to Consciousness, T. Lee Baumann, M.D. develops one the findings of electrical impulses coursing through our nervous system to communicate the stimuli they get. Our nervous system is composed of the nerves we possess, connected to our spinal cord, and thus our brain. The paths are neural networks of connectivity which are actually open to the outside. This means that we are not like computers, which only exchange information within themselves as a closed system (unless connected to the internet), but that in fact, we are more similar to antennas which constantly exchange electromagnetic vibrations with the world around them as open systems of communication.

Before we move into the implications of this idea, I want to offer another exercise to perceive our physical reactions in conjunction with our mental happenings. Take a moment to breath, come back into your physical awareness, how your body feels, and connect yourself to your inner world. Then think “No”, with all your will, and feel how your body feels to it. Once you have a clear (or as clear as you can get) sensation, then get out of it by breathing a bit, maybe opening your eyes, maybe moving a bit. Then go back in, and think “Yes” with all your will. Notice the differences in sensations that occur. Now, whenever you are unclear about if you want something or not, just tune into yourself and ask yourself the question. It is a constant process of increasing the subtlety of our awareness, and differentiating the various sensations which play simultaneously to decipher what is it is our body really tells us. So worry not if it takes some practice before the responses become crystal clear.

To come back to the idea of our nervous systems serving as antennas, the implications this piece of knowledge have are immense, especially for all that encompasses our conscious and spiritual aspects. One example of those implications is the possibility of telepathic communication. We emit sensations, and vibrations from our bodies towards the external world, and so another body in this external world can receive those same vibrations we emitted and interpret them in their own system. Which explains the contagious quality that our emotions possess. The truth is, we are always in a flow of telepathic exchange with our surroundings, but more often than not, these sensations are too subtle for us to constantly process, or we simply don’t pay attention. Nonetheless, they are received in our bodies, and compose our unconscious, subconscious, and conscious minds. The same is true from the sensations and feelings arising within us, generated by us, since we are an independent part of the larger system of informational exchange.


Being connected to this larger field of electro-magnetic information allows us to tune into it and receive information, while also being able to influence it through our own electro-magnetic fields. The individual direct effects may not be enormous, but through the butterfly effect, the possibilities can reach unfathomable heights. In other words; magic. It might not be as easy as chanting “one, two, three”, nor may the results be directly observable right after the fact, but what we emit resonates with our surrounding nonetheless. Tuning into this reality is both empowering and humbling, for we are but a small drop in an ocean of electro-magnetic information and movement, though a drop is all it takes to have a vase overflow and change the course of the currents.

Entering into this way of life requires a great deal of openness and vulnerability because it can only be done by accepting to feel all there is at the present moment, regardless of whether it’s considered as a “good” or “bad” sensation. It also takes courage, since the most efficient way to let the current course through us unhindered is by authentically expressing what is happening within us, thus releasing the blockages we may build to protect ourselves from our perceived fears of certain movements. Yet, just like any other ability, those are aspects we can work on and which get easier the more we practice them, leading to a wonderful outcome of liberation and connectedness within ourselves and with the universe at large. What comes next is still up to us to discover…

The Art of Listening

– Hey!

– Hey, you there!!

– Listen to what I have to say!!

– It is important!!

– Hey!!

– I need to say it!!

– Is it my turn to speak now??Talking

      We don’t go around yelling those lines when we want to say something, but oftentimes while listening to others we are simply preparing the next thing we are going to tell them, to answer to what they’re saying. Or not, sometimes we are just waiting for a silence from the speaker to start-off on something we really wanted to tell someone, regardless of what the other person was talking about. And this is good. Sharing, expressing ourselves, speaking up, those are all vital keys to a healthy presence to ourselves. Yet, that is sometimes that is also missing when we only try to get it out, the presence to what the other is saying. We listen to what they say, already thinking of a reply, and when that happens in arguments, no one changes their mind because no one is open to receiving the opinion of the other. Our words bounce of a wall, sent out to the universe, never finding a landing place. This is also true for our emotions, when we share how we feel to someone that has their attention focused elsewhere. Even if it’s their own thoughts, and they seem to be listening to us, not being heard hurts. We can feel when it happens. Being heard is a need that we have, to acknowledge who we are, to make us feel like we matter.

Thus, one of the most beautiful gifts we can give to others is listening to them. Simply. Truly. Not giving them advice, or consoling them if we feel that’s what they need, simple listening. Presence works magic.

It is not an easy feat though. It requires calm and focus, and an ability to discriminate what happens within ourselves, and feel what matters most in a given moment. We need to be present to ourselves. To listen to ourselves first, to be able to listen to others. The way to achieve this is to observe what happens within us while someone else talks.

What thoughts do I hold? How do I feel physically? What emotional state do I find myself in? What do I want?

They are an excellent place to start when we are trying to figure out what we are deeply trying to tell ourselves. The secret is, our body speaks loudly about ourselves, to ourselves, but are we listening to it?

Also, once we are aware of those points, they are easier to let go, and so true listening can happen.

I have just introduced a variety of ideas which are worthy being looked at separately, so there goes;

The Desire to be Heard: It all start there. All our experiences start first and foremost within our own subjective perception, and through that, we experience the world. We feel emotions, we have thoughts and ideas, we want to sing. All those activities are fun in themselves, yet they feel even more real when we can share them with others. Therefore, we all have an innate desire to be heard.

Listening to ourselves: Since we are the only person who will be with us through our whole lives, a good place to start to become a better listener is to listen to ourselves. There are causes behind the thoughts we hold, behind the feelings we feels. But before even getting there, we need to know what we feel, how our bodies react, what that little voice inside is trying to tell us. So take the time (maybe even now) to close your eyes and tune into your body. To feel what is happening inside. To be present to yourself. Without judgement, just to bring awareness. Accepting ourselves as we are unconditionally is a wonderful liberation we all deserve. Give yourself that gift. The truth is, no one else has to know, so why not give it a shot?

Listening to others: Listening to others is very similar to listening to ourselves. The only difference is that we are tuning into the other person. We press mute on our thoughts, on our ideas, and we only listening to what they say and how they feel. Yes, how they feel is a key in listening fully, since a majority of the information being communicated by someone who is talking to us, is done through their bodies. Thus, it is important to listen to how our own bodies react, since we tend to mirror the feelings of those around us. The words being carried by the wind are the surface of the wave, the feelings that are transmitted bring the depth with them. Only when listening to the feelings, can we fully grasp what the other person wants us to hear.

Feelings: I have been using that term quite a bit, and for clarification, I mean both physical and emotional feelings. When we are able to differentiate between our own feelings, and the ones we mirror from the other, then we can truly listen to them, without unconsciously answering to our own needs first.

Boundaries: We are in control of where we give our attention. Thus, keeping an open mind and taking in what the others say is amazing and wonderful, but we have no obligations to accept everything they say as truth. We are allowed to have our own opinions, to make our own choices, and to believe in our own truths. We have to listen to ourselves first. And while it may be considered rude to leave or redirect a conversation that we find boring, it is perfectly within our powers to do so. We are the only ones in control of our attention, nothing is owed to others. Freely given attention is far more nourishing.

      The topics of communication and listening are immensely vast, and so this remains but a small scratch on the surface. Though it is a most useful starting point in creating exchanges that are more nourishing for all parties, satisfying the deep desires we all have in a simple way. The best way to become better at this is practice, and that you can do by yourself, and anytime you interact with someone, regardless of how intimate or not you are with them.

On this note, I shall leave you to practice.

Have fun ~*~

Depths of Interactions….

Hello 🙂

Every time we meet someone new, it is a completely novel experience, for every person is different. Yet, despite the words being so disparate, there is still a certain depth which can be attribute to every conversation. What is meant by depth involves a few factors, such as ease of interaction, body language, topic(s) of discussion, and so on. It is interesting to observe that even though they evolve over time, whether willingly or not, conversations with certain people will remain at a certain depth forever, while others will skip what could be seen as the progressive steps of a relationship leading to deeper interactions.

The most famous of the various kinds of interactions is small talk. We are all very familiar with it, and perform it daily, maybe out of social necessity, or maybe because it is the easiest way to slightly interact with another. Small talk always remains superficial, and seems to be more dictated by societal norms of how the question and answer process has to go along. They usually start with the traditional “Hey, you!”, followed by greeting from the other person, which then asks how the first person is doing. The most frequent answer is then “good, how about you?” or any variations, and the good will be repeated by the first person again. Even if they were lying about actually feeling well, it is of no importance, because neither of them actually cares that much, and would usually prefer not to be bothered by a rant or some complaining. After this, the conversation will either break up, and keep going, but feeling forced from both sides. Occasionally, small talk will evolve to become more personal, but only if both individuals put the effort into it.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, there is a very rare instance of interaction which does not follow the progression of depth, because right from the beginning it is already very personal and familiar. There are always some people which we may meet and with whom conversations comes like a second nature, where the looks, the touches, the words, all of it feels like it has happened before, like we had known this person forever. This is a terribly interesting subject of exploration, for we can never be sure exactly of why it happens this way. Perhaps our souls knew each other in another life, perhaps we share certain similarities with the other person, or perhaps it is simply a coincidence. Yet even when facing the unknown, this depth of interaction is the most profound, for it transcends words, and reaches right to the inner core of both participants. Since we have no power over its occurrence, all we can do is bask in it while it happens, and enjoy the trip within ourselves, through the other.

Until next time,



Hugs are the best…

Hello 🙂

Hugs are the best. Plain and simple. That’s not only because they’re truly amazing, that they feel nice, and that they’re comforting, but simply because they allow us to be truly ourselves with another person. And I’m not talking about greeting hugs that last only a few seconds, but long held tight hugs, the ones that last up to a few minutes, where all that is done by the two huggers is squeezing and back rubbing.

Indeed, this marvellous experience allows us to drop all the masks one can imagine, because there’s nothing else, no words, no looks, only the feeling, so it is hard to pretend to be someone else while hugging another person. Furthermore, longer hugs release Oxytocin in one’s brain (1), which is one of the chemicals associated with social bonding and deeper connections, which is why one of the nicknames for oxytocin is the cuddle hormone, amongst others, since it also has a variety of other effects.

The benefits from hugging do not only come when being done with a person close to us, but can also be activated with a total stranger, since it does not matter who the other person is, energy will still circulate between the two hugging entities. All this to say that “one hug a day, keeps loneliness away”, at least for as long as the oxytocin high lasts. Big hug to all of you!!

Until next time,